Mayhem 3 / ( 10 )

Commentary snort grunt, honestly, chortle, i really like this joke. even the throat clearing before pressing play on a tape. I often am not sure if jokes like these disrupt any kind of tension there is. Then again - i did not specifically set out to write twisted to be thrilling and suspenseful, but more... interesting and mysterious. this is not a good choice all the way. sure, there is tension in here - but twisted plays out over a relatively short timeframe - like 3 or 4 months. starts in the beginning of autumn and goes into winter. so any bruise or injury any of the main characters get i would need to draw during the whole comic. From time to time i deliberated to cut off jaunes and gabriels hair to make it easier to draw them. but i also really enjoy the movement their hair creates. jaunes hair gets in the way though. whatwasithinking.
Right now there are some serious injuries in the script and i have not yet figured out, how to really deal with that, because the characters have to be mobile. Jaune got stabbed in the shoulder in her last chapter - how serious is that? can she still move her arm? I am always annoyed at this trope where the good guys need 1 try to shoot the baddies but the others stormtrooper around. not everyone here is incapable. Lucky for Gabriel that Yasmine was stopped by speech bubbles, otherwise she would have beheaded her by now.
Another thing i did not add and am not sure if i will - see the tiny, barely visible red lights flashing on the weapons - weeeeell, that s whats going off now. And Barbera also has a weapon with a red light... i do not show what happens to her weapon. the text alluding to it is greyed out in the script.
next chapter is Schrödinger anyway, so i have a couple of weeks to think about this. sadly a couple of weeks. i wish i was faster.